When You Need Your NETWORK It May Be TOO LATE!

An 8 Top Tips Networking Post by Matthew Hill

Your supposedly safe job is suddenly, after 4 years, GONE. You are forced to scramble around contacting people who can help you. The problem is your business card collection is dusty and neglected. It sits there decidedly unloved.

Networking for Success

Networking for Success

Are you “culturally modest”? You would rather drink vinegar than network, have a fingernail extracted rather than follow up on a light conversation or have dental work performed without anaesthetic rather than ask a favour of an acquaintance.

With thanks to Cecilia Lui and a wonderful evening at SIETAR UK, here are some ideas that can reverse the average introvert’s chances of attaining a networking breakthrough.

  1. Give First – Stephen Covey describes it as putting pennies in the trust bank account before you make a large withdrawal i.e. a request for help. So what can you give?

By becoming aware of the treasure in your small existing network you will uncover connections and resources that, whilst they are not useful to you directly, can be invaluable as a gift to someone you meet tomorrow.

It is about becoming aware of the hidden riches of your existing contact base.

2. Be Helpful – many people walk into an event determined to give their elevator pitch to as many people as possible and to come away with a signed business contract. STOP – there is a better way.

Gently inquire as to the recent success and activity of the stranger in front of you. This will relax them, open up a conversation and will give you the chance to assess their longer-term value for you.

People love talking about themselves so give them the opportunity and start putting pennies in their trust bank account. The downside of this, if you are a people pleaser, is that you may spend all night listening to long and involved stories whilst entertaining suicidal thoughts and feelings of bitter regret…

For you the next point is essential.

3. Plan your escape – when you establish rapport, exchange basic contact details and have a measure of the person, it may be time to move on. Don’t feel obliged to spend all evening with somebody, unless of course they are likely to become your new best friend or you’re getting on terrifically well and they happen to be of special value to you.

Escape phrases include;

  • It’s been lovely chatting to you. Now we should both go and “work the room.”
  • Thank you. I’m now going to talk to that person over there.
  • Do excuse me. I have to go now.

These phrases require a healthy balance of power and politeness and need to be practised so as not to come across as strained or false. Maybe it’s time to get the mirror out and launch a dramatic rehearsal session before the next mixer event.

4. Know what you want – the game is not to accumulate 30 business cards in an evening without engaging, exchanging or emoting. Better to have one or two profound moments than to be able to send a dozen e-mails knowing that they will not be responded to.

If you know what you want and you know what you need (and you know what you can give – see above) then you can analyse any conversation and see if it is taking you towards something useful.

People like people who know what they want. Again it is that balance of power and politeness that is attractive in a networking situation.

Do you understand your purpose? Have you found your professional calling? Do you know what a good outcome would be at the end of the year or next year? It is this reflection and analysis that can make you a more focused and interesting person.

5. Small talk – Small talk isn’t small. The function of small talk is to find an island of commonality that becomes a base for dialogue. If you are reluctant you may need to practice, practice and practice some more. Become the King or Queen of small talk. Do it at family events, in the canteen or when invited to your next wedding.

6. Ask for something – the test of the depth and value of your database is to make a request, either for yourself or on behalf of somebody else. If you have 500 business cards, send out e-mails and don’t get any replies that is a brutal and negative assessment of your networking depth.

Help yourself by sending out keep in touch e-mails that act as a reminder of your value and a deepener of relationships. Just a couple of ping e-mails over a 90 day period will have the magical effect of turning a stranger into a relatively warm acquaintance who will be more open to helping you. And remember do this before you NEEEEEEED their help.

7. Personal power – people like people like us so matching the power level and the body language of somebody else can be a very useful way of breaking down barriers and getting that first minute of contact to be positive rather than negative.

How can you practice raising your power? You might straighten your posture, open your arms or make eye contact for one or two seconds. How about taking singing lessons to give your voice an extra layer of beauty?

Another great practice is to set yourself confidence boosting mini quests – complaining in a restaurant, returning goods to a shop or simply asking for directions from a stranger in the street. All this practice will build up your networking muscles and enable the process to be less daunting and more achievable.

8. 89:10:1 – this is the ratio in our society between the people who are passive receivers of conversation and the people who are open to respond in a relatively dynamic way and, finally, the people who are deliberate, determined and super focused in making networking a pleasant and effective activity that will lead them towards their goals by giving, helping, building trust and friendships and asking for the things that will take them to where they want to go.

So, for now, let’s keep it simple – ask yourself one question, “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

Matthew Hill is a culture and soft-skill coach, trainer, speaker and author helping independent business people and busy corporate executives make the most of their daily opportunities.

To find out more about his coaching programmes or corporate soft skills courses, why not give him a ring on 07540 65 99956 or +44 7540 65 9995

Next Going for Growth Bootcamp in is Basel, Switzerland, 5th April 2019. Call him for more details,

Intercultural Trainer Film Resources – Perception

When introducing intercultural aspects of worldview, differing points of view and unique cultural perspectives, it can be useful (and engaging) to talk about our perceptions and the limits of our minds. Here are 3 YouTube film clips that do a great job in provoking discussion, shifting attitudes and opening minds.

"Aggggh, Now I understand."

“Aggggh, Now I understand.”

A – Perception Card Trick


Thanks to Richard Wiseman for making the film and publishing it on YouTube. It comes in two parts – Stop the film half way through and ask the class what have they noticed? – This is a well made professional film.

B – Perception and Focus Film

Classic Intercultural training film from Daniel J. Simons

Thanks for posting on YouTube Daniel.

You may buy Daniel’s DVD at www.viscog.com

C – Thinking Fast and Slow in fun form


Film showing examples of System 1 and System 2 thinking with some great interactive moments.

The film was put together and posted on YouTube by AsapScience – Thanks

Daniel Kahneman’s wonderful Book, Thinking Fast and Slow is available on Amazon

The Business of Culture – Realms, Regions and Justification

An Opinion Piece by Matthew Hill

Whilst the person sitting across the table from you is probably not from, “another planet,” they may well be operating in another “realm.”

Justitia, a monument in Frankfurt, Germany

Interculturally sensitive readers of this blog will be mindful of cultural difference, sensitive to stereotypes and will respond in a sophisticated way when they bump into a simple dimensional anomaly.

Over the years, I have found that there is a profitable way to improve international negotiation and that is to increase awareness of “realms.”

That’s not fair!

Think about your childhood and playing outside. If someone took one of your toys you might complain, “That’s not fair!” Your version and vision of justice would be based on the universal principle of fairness. As a child it seems obvious when boundaries are crossed and it seems equally obvious that complaining about this is the best way to get justice for yourself.

We continue with our notions of fairness until enough incidents of unprosecuted unfairness force us to painfully adapt our model to include many many exceptions. It is at this stage that we may begin to experience and notice privilege and marginality and our inclusion or exclusion from dominant groups in society. This rite of passage provides a more complex political picture of the world.

I fought the law…

In business, adults tend to have a regional view of the law. At its most extreme there are ambulance chaser lawyers in the USA perceiving the courts as a cash machine or a venue to pitch a business case for gain. In Britain, most small and medium-sized enterprises rely surprisingly heavily on the letter of UK law in upholding the signed contracts kept safe under lock and key in their offices.

A slap in the face

Both of these cases are realm-centric and seem to operate well domestically. It is only when we cross over to another realm that the culture shock of an alternative form of justice slaps us in the face.

There are lands that, historically, have relied much less on the judiciary and much more on either hierarchical power structures or long-term relationships.

The former is resented by aristocracy, asset backed power, kleptocracy or Mafia like structures. The latter probably represents the majority of the business population in the world. Here the exchange of favours, reciprocity of action and the recording of these successful trades builds a deep and internally reliable system of stable commerce in the local marketplace.

Problems arise when we leave our own domain carrying our “home-realm” baggage with us in the form of our point of view, contact expectation or preferred measure of legitimacy.

It is when the entrepreneurial US lawyer, with minimal precedence pushes for advantage in a land dominated by long-term relationships that escalated misunderstanding are almost guaranteed to occur.

Fighter Bomber

Fighter Bomber

Fighter Planes for Peace

A famous example of contrasting realms occurred in the UK when one of the largest British defence companies offered financial inducements for the Saudi Government to invest in a large number of fighter aircraft.

If one took a strictly legal view, the inducements were against the law and the parties involved should have been prosecuted. If one took a relational view, a pragmatic view or a utilitarian one, then the securing of 10,000 manufacturing jobs in an economically deprived area of the UK seemed a decent and humane justification for letting the deal go through unhindered and unchallenged.

In the end, no prosecution occurred and the deal stood – to the benefit of the workers and the confusion of those who saw British law as absolute.

Bribery and corruption

Since then, the UK Bribery Act and the US Foreign Corrupt Practices Act have reduced wiggle-room on realms and led to the dominance of law over relationship.

My time in culture has taught me that words such as right, wrong, better, worse and good and bad are relatively weak in the context of global business and that different realms may not easily be compared as like for like.

It is more useful to understand from which realm your negotiation partner is operating and to reconcile those differences as best you can.

So, the next time you feel your blood coming to the boil, remember, they are not from, “another planet” but they are definitely operating from another realm.

Author Matthew Hill is an intercultural and negotiation trainer working with multinationals in Europe.